that's the way

The scattershot approach may work for some,

and if heart's delight 

be to move

up down left right

simultaneously,

by all means:

we're perfectly free.

For those (like me)

who's chest-pumps

would seem

to be filled

with a straight-on

desire to dream,

know this:

wish, trust, be.

Desire arises,

seeks to be met.

Too often projected:

we go grab a net

and run mad through the streets

pursuing our dream -

too well do we know 

the old

'get-rich-quick' scheme.

Give it up!

(In the sense of surrender.)

You'll never be a contender

for the heavyweight championship

of anything but you,

so forget all that shit...

THERE'S NOTHING TO DO.

No 'way' tried and true,

no one recipe:

the only way to find what you need

is relax and just be.

"But be what?"

demands ego, so used to control:

"There must be some something,

some ultimate goal!"

Nope! Decrees love,

the only true thing:

you get NOTHING from life,

except what YOU bring.

Whatever you carry 

from the well of your soul,

and share with the world...

right there, THAT'S your gold.

There's your riches, 

your wealth,

your fame 

and your health.

There's the only thing left

when the body seeks death,

the only true test of:

"Did I give it my best?"

Everything else, all the rest?

Drivel. Don't mess with that mess.

The well of your soul 

is your only real goal,

don't you let ANYTHING

else play that role.

I suggest walking, and sitting, 

and play.

I suggest stillness AND movement, 

each day.

I suggest friendship, and romance, and food - 

I suggest hunger, and lonesome solitude.

Try everything, see what works,

and know it will change.

Carve years of your life

just finding a way

to that wellspring inside,

celebrate! Shout "Hooray!"

Then fill up your buckets, turn back, walk away:

go deliver the goods to your family,

and pray:

say thank you to YOU,

for guiding you in -

say "Game on!"

'cuz it probably 

feels like a win.

Then patiently watch

subtle movements of self,

enlarge all your buckets,

care for your health.

Prepare for trek 2,

and know it will come,

guaranteed that indeed

there's much much more fun

to be had in the wilds

of bushland inside,

to be found along bumpy

self-inquiry ride.

Don't seek the same way,

the route will have changed.

Don't attempt to make sense,

that's a whole different game.

What you're playing here now

is some quite new, 

so the next time you're asked

what it is that you do,

you may tell them, in truth:

"I BE what I love,

I've no need to 'do.'

I am what I am,

the end.

...How 'bout you?"

no good, no bad

in my last post, "feeling fresh," i made the rather bold assertion that there is no such thing as good or bad. i'm pretty excited to have a go at elucidating this statement, so let's dive right in.

firstly, it's important to understand the true nature of reality. do i have a PHD in the true nature of reality? no. do i claim to know what's REALLY going on? well... no, because such a statement would be ludicrous.

existence, or consciousness in other words, when experienced through the filter of linear time, comes to know itself ever more fully in ascending spirals of understanding - hence the title of this blog. imagine a spiral staircase in an infinitely tall tower, with windows every 12 steps: every 12 steps we stop and gaze out at 'reality,' but our view is not the same as last time - we have climbed higher. we're looking out at the same 'truth,' but it doesn't look the same as last time. why? BECAUSE OUR PERSPECTIVE HAS CHANGED. that's all that EVER changes.

so, do i know what's REALLY going on? yes. and no. i know what's true from my current vantage point at this moment of my journey, which of course is not the same as what will be true 10 years from now, when i've climbed up a few more steps and have a different perspective.

so, getting back to the 'true' nature of reality: we are one. blah blah blah, yakkety yak, you've heard this before. DUH, because it's FUCKING TRUE. and not in some 'sit-around-the-fire-and-sing-kumbaya-and-pretend-we-like-each-other' kind of way, it's true in an incredibly more profound and literal way. there is only ONE THING, expressing itself a bajillion different ways. you, me, this computer, jesus, buddha, krishna, humpback whales tine cockroaches massive cockroaches the pope the president and the prime minister... all the same one thing.

what?

i know... seems impossible, right? all you have to do is look at the world to see: "um, no ryan... there's a whole bunch of shit. and it's definitely NOT the same thing."

see, here's the jaw-droppingly stunning thing about this ONE thing of which EVERYthing is comprised: it encompasses an infinite amount of possibilities and expressions.

which, of course, leads us to the question: well then what IS it? for the sake of simplicity, let's call it 'SOURCE.' if source can be anything, if source can express itself in an infinite number of ways... then is source even anything? if source has no characteristics, no definition, then how is source even a 'something?'

great question! and here, it gets tricky, fast. because YES, it does have certain characteristics, however WHAT IT IS IS NOT KNOWABLE FROM AN ORIENTATION OF SEPARATION.

um...

right, i know, i'm lost too. let's try to clear it up. we think we're separate, we think we're 'us.' i think i'm ryan (although i'm starting to get the hang of seeing through the illusion of 'ryan') you think you're 'you,' and everyone else thinks they're 'them.' so we read this blog with that fundamental core belief system strongly in place, and FROM THAT ORIENTATION OF SEPARATION THERES NO WAY TO UNDERSTAND WHAT SOURCE IS.

in fact, to get snitty about it, there's no way AT ALL to 'understand' what source 'is.' let's look at what the word 'understand' implies: if i understand math, if means i'm observing it from OUTSIDE of it, examining it, and eventually coming to some conclusions about it. source, however, doesn't play like that. you don't get to hang out outside of it and think you 'understand' it... the ONLY way to get a taste is to surrender all your ideas of being 'you' and let yourself be dissolved in the truth of the one thing. this, essentially, is what buddha, yeshwa, krishna, and all those most excellent dudes and dudettes (for the sake of simplicity i will henceforth refer to all ascended masters as A.T.M.E.D.A.D.) were on about. LET GO.

so, to come back into linear time and material reality for a moment: you don't 'understand' source. you ARE source. and so am i, and so is everyone and everything else.

next question: so then, if we all surrender ourselves and become what we already are... won't everything in the world just be the same thing? won't that be boring?

NO! and that's the really neat part. remember, source is expressing itself in a bajillion different ways. each of those unique expressions is going to totally different from all the other ones, because source is just a badass like that. each of those unique expressions is going to be different from every other WHETHER OR NOT IT SURRENDERS TO IT'S TRUE NATURE.

ok, hang on...

basically, it's like this: i'm going to be totally unique and different from everyone else if i cling to the false illusion of 'ryan' as something real, AND i'm STILL going to be totally unique and different from everyone else if i see THROUGH the illusion of 'me' and allow my 'self' to be dissolved into all-that-is. (source.)

still with me? good.

pressing on from how this works, let's take a look at 'why.' understanding why this is going on at all will allow us to see why, in truth, there is no such thing as good or bad.

so: why split it all up? simple answer: BECAUSE SOURCE WANTED TO EXPERIENCE ITSELF.
why are two naked bodies so much more fun than one? duh, 'cuz you get to COME TOGETHER. assuming you're doing it right, of course.   ;-)

basically, source wanted to get off on itself. it couldn't do that when it was just one thing, it split itself into a bajillion things for the sake of experiencing itself in every imaginable way, shape, and form.

still with me? good.

WE ARE THAT SPLITTING. we're those bits of vibration (source is vibration... meaning EVERYTHING is vibration, meaning, basically, vibration is the only thing there is... meaning music is fucking awesome) here on earth, vibrating a super-low hertz in order to partake in a pretty wild part of the 'source-wants-to-get-off-on-itself' game: we are SOURCE EXPERIENCING ITSELF IN PHYSICALITY.

whoa.

what, that doesn't sound uber-radical to you? trust me, it is. in order for this world (and us) to exist in the dense, thick, heavy way it does, the vibrations of all those little source-bits (you and me) had to slow wwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy the fuck down. from what i understand, most of the rest of creation (the infinitely varied expressions of the one and only thing) exists in either a quasi-physical or purely energetic state. we're about as dense as it gets folks, so let's pat ourselves on the back for enrolling in the school of hard knocks.

yup, that's right: the 'knocks' we experience here in full physicality feel HARD. when the going get's rough, it's pretty easy to feel lost. pain feels real, and of course who wants pain? so pain becomes bad, pleasure becomes good, and this whole game of 'source-getting-off-on-itself' turns into the much less fun game of 'run-away-from-the-bad-stuff-and-hold-on-as-hard-as-you-can-to-the-good-stuff.'

SO. now we're moving into the really juicy bit: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS GOOD AND BAD.
remember, WE'RE ALL THE SAME THING. we're all source, split into a bajillion pieces for the sake of experiencing itself. AND WE'RE ALL CHOOSING TO EXPERIENCE SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

you, before you were born, when you were still a little piece of source that could REMEMBER it was source, CHOSE to have this life. you CHOSE the conditions, the circumstances.

wait, so it's all predetermined? like fate?

no, definitely not! just the container, or the 'frame.' i don't know the details, but the basic idea is that we chose our bodies, our families, the era, the location, the culture... all the meta-level situations WITHIN WHICH a piece if differentiated source consciousness (us) has free will to do whatever they want.

so all those monsanto CEO's, conniving bankers, and corrupt politicians? source experiencing itself. all those murderers, rapists, and pedophiles  SOURCE EXPERIENCING ITSELF. all those saints, good samiritans, and A.T.M.E.D.A.D.? SOURCE EXPERIENCING ITSELF.

breath... ok, right back into it:

NONE OF IT IS 'GOOD' OR 'BAD.' it just is. it's all source knowing itself.

but... GMO's give us cancer! and pedophilia feels bad! (i know this one first-hand.)

true! some stuff feels gnarly. in the case of 'me,' (whatever that means) i chose a life with some seriously fucked up experiences at the beginning of it. psycho-sexual abuse early in my life SERIOUSLY spun me around, and left me not knowing which way was up for a long time. and yes, IT FELT TOTALLY, UTTERLY WRONG.

nothing about it felt right. it felt like the OPPOSITE of good. IT FELT BAD.

so... ... ... doesn't that mean, that, there is good and bad... ...?

(sigh...) i know. it all seems a bit fucked, sometimes. but in truth: no. there's STILL no such thing as good and bad. I CHOSE THOSE EXPERIENCES. from the perspective of a scared little kid in grandpa's basement, it was happening TO me and i was damn sure NOT responsible. however, from the perspective of the 'real' me, the 'me-as-source?' I'M FULLY RESPONSIBLE.

"what the fuck ryan! you're saying that every kid with FUCKED UP shit happening to them is to blame, and we should just shrug and say: well, guess that's what they chose?!? that's bullshit."

i hear you! let me do my best to reply: first of all, there's no blame. WE'RE ALL SOURCE. the way source experiences itself, primarily, is through emotion. SO WHATEVER YOU FEEL, LET YOURSELF FEEL IT. that was the ONLY way I was able to heal from the experiences in my own past: to LET MYSELF FEEL all the pain, the rage, the shame, the grief, EVERYTHING. no counselling, no therapist ever really helped. i didn't need to sit on a fucking couch and talk about, i needed to bawl my eyes out. i needed to scream, i needed to punch someone, i needed to hate myself and cut myself, i needed to drink until i puked and passed out, i needed to not give a fuck and i needed to care way, way too much. and i did. i did all of those things, repeatedly, until i didn't need to do them anymore.

and are you ready for the punchline: this is the kicker, this is where shit get's really interesting and we begin to see why all of this is worth understanding in the first place. here goes:

AS LONG AS YOU INSIST ON  A RIGHT AND A WRONG, A GOOD AND A BAD, YOU WILL NEVER ALLOW YOURSELF TO FULLY EXPERIENCE WHAT IT IS YOU ARE HERE (as source) TO EXPERIENCE.

we're all here to have certain experiences, so that

a) source can come to know itself

and b) WE, AS LITTLE BITS OF SOURCE, CAN EVOLVE IN OUR OWN DIFFERENTIATED UNDERSTANDING.

remember the staircase analogy, and the ascending spirals of understanding? THAT'S WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT. as long as we label something bad, we won't let it be. we won't voice it or express it, we will censor ourselves. THEREFORE, WE WON'T LEARN WHAT WE CAME HERE TO LEARN, AND WE'LL HAVE TO KEEP HAVING THE SAME LESSON OVER AND OVER AGAIN UNTIL WE GET IT.

AND THAT'S BORING.

:-)

the real fun starts once you allow EVERYTHING. when you can simply look at yourself without calling any of it good or bad, THEN YOU'RE FREE.

at that point, it's all about PREFERENCE.

here's kicker number 2, and it's even bigger than the first one. ready, set, go!

ANY CHOICE, ANY ACTION ARISING FROM THE PRISON OF: "i must choose this because it's good." OR: "i can't choose this because it's bad." IS A CHOICE ARISING FROM A PLACE OF POWERLESSNESS.

our ideas about right and wrong are possibly the heaviest shackles we wear. remember: consciousness (source) is the point of origin for everything. the QUALITY of consciousness at the moment of making the 'right' choice or avoiding the 'wrong' is one of imprisonment: either i "have to" do this or i "must not" do that.

EITHER WAY, I"M FULLY BUYING INTO THE FALSE ILLUSION OF ME. either way, i'm letting myself believe in the idea of 'ryan' as opposed to SURRENDERING to the all-that-is.

kicker number 3:

WE CANNOT LABEL ANYTHING OUTSIDE OF US GOOD OR BAD WITHOUT LIKEWISE LABELING EVERYTHING INSIDE OF US GOOD OR BAD. there's just no way around this: either we dive in and get wet, or we stay on the shore and stay dry. we can't have it both ways. we will NEVER free ourselves to experience everything we're here to experience as long as we cling to our beliefs about right and wrong. BAM.

HOWEVER: once we have set ourselves (and everyone else in our lives) free, at that point WE BECOME EMPOWERED. knowing ourselves to be a differentiated bit of source embodied here in physicality in order to experience itself, we THEN become FREE TO HONOR OUR UNIQUENESS by HONORING OUR PREFERENCES.

DO NOT MISS THIS DISTINCTION!

P-R-E-F-E-R-E-N-C-E-S... NOT OBLIGATIONS.

no right and wrong. NOTHING is better than anything else. NOBODY, no choice is better than ANYBODY else, or any other choice.

from that empowered orientation, we become free to ask ourselves: "what do we prefer?"

whatever it is, go for it! at this point, it's worth revisiting that earlier idea of the 'characteristics' of source. this will help us answer the question:

"but ryan, what if my preference is to go out and shit on people? you're saying i'm free to shit on people??"

1. if you try to shit on me my preference is to punch you in the face

and 2. THIS IS THE AWESOME THING ABOUT LETTING YOURSELF BE DISSOLVED IN SOURCE.

source is SOURCE. it's all there is! it is everything, complete unto itself, perfectly whole. whoever gets to that point in their understanding will have evolved beyond ALL of the egoic power-plays that motivate us to hurt each other - what would be the point? source doesn't NEED anything, and it certainly doesn't have to TAKE anything from anyone else. it simply is, and has different preferences depending on the unique nature of it's expression (you) this time around.

all of that 'manipulating-other-people-to-get-what-i-want' stuff will have ALREADY BEEN EXPERIENCED by the ANY individual who REACHES THE PLACE OF ABSOLUTE FREEDOM.

so there's the 'safety' on this whole design: anyone who is TRULY free will likewise have evolved beyond any need or desire to mess with anyone else.

(sidenote: from this place of understanding, we can see that those in positions of power enacting so many of the money-grubbing power-grabbing tactics are, in fact, the LEAST free of all of us... regardless of how big their bank account is.)

so back to this idea of PREFERENCE: choosing from this place of understanding is a pretty fucking empowered way to make a choice, and it offers us the opportunity to effect some SERIOUS change.

in other words, speaking as a man who experienced pedeophilia in my own past this time around: IF WE WOULD LIKE ALL CHILDREN, EVERYWHERE, TO BE SAFE, THEN THE MOST EFFECTIVE WAY TO CREATE THAT IS TO SURRENDER OUR ATTACHMENT TO US BEING 'RIGHT' AND THE ABUSER BEING 'WRONG.'

we must work for change because we PREFER to, not because it is the RIGHT THING TO DO.

THERE IS NO RIGHT THING TO DO.

we must work for change WITHOUT vilifying ANYONE else, for the SECOND we condemn another we likewise condemn ourselves, thereby entrapping us once again in the prison of 'right/vs/wrong'... which PREVENTS us from experiencing everything we're here to experience, which means we're going to have to keep repeating our lessons INSTEAD OF SETTING OURSELVES FREE TO DO WHATEVER THE FUCK WE WANT.

personally, i want to bake cookies, dance my ass off, play music, grow veggies, kiss EVERY cute girl i see, (might have to rein that one in a little) and keep on blogging about the true nature of reality.

once again, i'll cap this post off with a poem, and see if i can poetically summarize this massive dose of good news.

ahem:

Why not?

ANY answer other than:

"I don't wanna."

is bogus,

an encumberment

and an embarrassment

to all that we are.

Know this:

every star

burns only 

for the sake 

of it's own delight...

..and see,

how gloriously

they illumine the night?

Forget about doing 'right.'

Do  you instead,

and I guarantee 

your selfishness

will turn out to be

the most authentic generosity

humanity has ever seen.

feeling fresh

airing out a new tone with this post... a bit less poetic and a bit more testosterone.

firstly, allow me to plug another blog: http://chrismccombs.net/

just became a fan of this man a few hours ago, and am already deeply inspired.

i haven't written in awhile, mostly because anytime i sat down to try and compose something it felt like bullshit. it felt like the 'idea' of poetry instead of 'real' poetry, (whatever that is) it felt like a performance of truth instead of writing emerging out of clear, lived experience.

why?

because i've been having a damn-fucking-hard time reconciling what i know to be true about the nature of reality

- the essence of me, you, and every other little fragment of god we call humanity, as well as this incredible phase-shift we are witnessing right now in all of our individual/collective identity -

and my daily life. for the past 2+ years i've had a ridiculous prayer life. i've written about it a bit in past blogs, suffice to say at some point god started ripping me open on a regular basis. the tears would come, the body would shake, the mind would try to comprehend/analyze/make sense of what was happening and utterly, utterly fail.

what this is or why it's happening, i can only guess. my best shot is that it has something to with growing pains - an expansion of consciousness accompanied by a seriously turbulent physical/mental/emotional experience. in many ways it did indeed feel as if i was growing into myself, but the only way to do that was to clear out the debris of the 'me' i thought i was, and that demolition was an incredibly confusing, scary, and spiritually intimate experience.

let's be clear: these experiences ARE clear. no drugs, no sleep deprivation, no dramatic breakups precede these god-rendings. they literally descend upon me at seemingly random times, often (and inconveniently) when i'm at work, demanding that i retreat to a bathroom stall for a hasty round of weeping and trembling before doing my best to spruce up and get back to work. ignoring these experiences or putting them off was never an option - it was either surrender to it or go insane.

i chose to surrender to it. taken as a whole, these experiences collectively constitute the most profound experience of 'truth' i have ever had. as with most truth, the mind can't make sense of it. big truth, truth with a capital "T" almost never (in my experience) makes 'sense.' does a sunrise make sense? how about the incredible upwelling of a generous love which makes you feel like you would literally die for the sake of it? god doesn't make sense, god is. and so are we, but we think we have to make sense, which ironically is why we usually don't.

getting back my personal timeline: these experiences were so fucking true that, of course, i started looking for ways to understand and explain them: cue the entrance of the 'ascension' concept. not to say i've got a handle  on ascension, but here it is in brief: our world is so fucked because we've been in a super-lame cycle. negative energy has been allowed to dominate because that's the nature of the 'age' we've been in, but we've just crossed the threshold into a different age. in this new age, bullshit will be seen for what it is and our world will settle into a 50/50 relationship of so-called 'good and bad.'

(not that there is any such thing as good and bad... but we'll leave that esoteric discussion for another post.)

this inevitable 'ascension' which we are in the very beginning of RIGHT NOW will be, first and foremost, a shift in consciousness. god-consciousness, super-consciousness, meta-consciousness, the christed light, whatever you wanna call it, will be available to anyone who has the guts to claim it, anyone who has the strength to shake off their old belief systems and embrace the rocky road of the ice cream of self-transcendence. because consciousness is the point of origin for E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G (again, that merits a full post on it's own) this shift in consciousness will inevitably transform every single aspect of our world and life as we know it.

well well well! this certainly seemed to explain what was happening to me. best of all, it meant that life was about to become all peaches-and-cream. i began to look forward to being fully endowed with the mind of a buddha, the heart of a christ, and the x-ray vision of superman. game fucking on! i always knew i could do magic if i could just figure out what mind-muscle to flex...

so i swallowed the ascension 'story' as true. let me clear: i think it IS true. in fact, i KNOW it's true, the way i know the sun is alive and i'm pretty sure it knows what i mean when i throw my arms up and thank it for being so enduringly fierce and blazingly inspiring.

but here's the thing about much of the ascension info out there: it promises salvation coming from something external. whether that 'thing' is extra-terrestrials, inter-dimensionals, inner-earthians, new technologies, prosperity funds, or superhuman abilities, the overall narrative seems to be: "don't worry, it's gonna happen soon."

"it" in this case becomes whatever we want it to become: a bunch of money, no more war, aliens landing, free energy technology, etc. some event that will be too big to ignore, that EVERYONE will HAVE to take notice of, that will shake things up and catalyze some serious changes in our world. changes for the better.

to recap:

1. god starts ripping me apart, weekly.

2. i think: "wtf? what's happening? what does this mean?"

3. i look into ascension and think: "that makes sense."

4. i join the cult of ascension and start following regular updates online which are highly detailed yet somehow never seem to have any relevance to my everyday life

5. i keep going to work, hanging out with roomates, and being ripped apart by god on regular basis. every new ripping seems to confirm that SOMETHING indeed is happening, but nothing i'm reading about seems to be showing up anywhere outside of blog-land.

6. at a certain point (not sure exactly when this happened) i lumped together the TRUTH of the soul-infusing god-rending with the 'truth' of ascension blog-world, and decided that because my prayer experiences felt more true (more valid, more important, more 'real') than the rest of my everyday life, i would take on the ascension story as my truth, even when it didn't seem to jive with everyday life.

this decision (it wasn't a conscious decision, and it probably didn't happen all at once) made it harder and harder for me to engage in my daily life and take effective action to make change, either in my personal circumstances in the world at large. anything that seemed to conform to societally accepted 'truth,' anything that seemed to reinforce and dualistic, fear-based paradigm which i was sure was about to disappear... (any second now)...

anything in that world was deemed 'not valid.' i ignored it in favor of the ascension story, which meant that i went into $1,000 worth of debt to a very generous friend of mine because i was too busy 'ascending' to take care of those little irritations like rent and food. it means i'm now long past overdue on the only 2 loans i've ever taken out in my life, and although one of the loans is a college loan with a ridiculous interest rate from a soulless corporate non-entity, i'd obviously prefer that i (and my loved ones) didn't get hassled by collection notices. my shifted focus meant that i slacked off on the practice that has probably delivered the most consistent results in terms of health and well-being: dancing. and it meant that, the longer i was going to work but holding myself aloof, sure that the 'system' was going to collapse any day now, the further and further i distanced myself from simply being present to what it, as it is, right now... which is the essence of pretty much any worthwhile spiritual practice.

i fully excuse myself and forgive myself for this, mostly because there's nothing to forgive (another post)... but also because being ripped apart by god is a bewildering experience, one that it's not easy to make sense of. at this point, i'm still trying to source some good information about both the consciousness-level shifts AND the more practical, material-reality-level shifts which are unfolding as part of ascension, BUT

a) i'm doing it with a lot more discernment, and

b) i'm assigning equal validity to my daily life as well.

here's what i feel i can safely extrapolate from all this so far:

a. time is cyclical, not linear. we've just kicked off a new cycle, and it's gonna be way more fun than the last one.

b. before being born this time around i chose this incarnation primarily to experience this transition. as such, my consciousness was fully on board with ascension. what i called 'god ripping me apart' was in fact ME ripping me apart, the BIG me, not the small me... the pure light of the soul roaring in and scattering the weak, paltry glow-lamps of the ego. the process was (and still is) one hell of a ride, but there's no way i'd choose anything else.

c. ascension is totally, utterly real... and it's up to each and every one of us as individuals to actualize it. less reading, more action. that action might be praying, parenting, working out, marching against monsanto, meditating, writing poetry, or quitting your job and buying a yurt.

d. unless you are a kung-fu ninja-level master of self-growth and transpersonal development, ascension is totally and completely outside of your comfort zone. whatever your individual journey through this jungle looks like, i guarantee that there will be many moments of being terrified, of feeling like you don't even know who you are anymore, of feeling like there's nothing solid or dependable to count on. this is the necessary (and necessarily painful) dissolution of any fragments of identity which would inhibit the light of your soul from blazing forth.

e. the fastest, and in fact the ONLY, way through the difficulty is to go TOWARDS whatever it is that's freaking you out. go towards your discomfort, go directly towards your discomfort. do not pass go. do not collect $200.

f. as you do this, the only way to move through the discomfort is to give FULL expression to it. don't censor yourself. this morning i was screaming until my throat was raw while tears were streaming down my face as i was dancing and doing capoeira to Darpan music. this was how i started my day, at about 7:30am. such experiences have become fully normal for me now, i don't even bother anymore with those stupid thoughts of: "but what if i'm insane?" GET OVER IT. do WHATEVER THE FUCK you have to do in, LET YOURSELF FEEL EVERYTHING in the fullness of however it feels to you. don't shut ANY of it out, because you can be damn sure that what you're keeping yourself from is, in fact, yourself. your TRUE self. what at first looks like pain is actually joy. have faith, sit in the fire, let it burn you, and lo and behold all of the  bullshit will be burned away and you'll find out that what's left, everything that's TRULY you, is fireproof.

g. this process, the expansion of consciousness (and the attendant changes in our physical, astral, etheric, mental, and causal bodies as well) is ascension, and ascension = growing pains. but it's not pain, really... it just seems like that at first. actually, it's fucking awesome, because we get to find out what we're made of. (spoiler alert: it's pure, invincible love.)

...z. NOONE ELSE is going to do it for you. STOP WAITING. get off your ass and do whatever the hell you have to do to change your situation. don't like something in your life, you'd prefer something different? DO SOMETHING. that's ascension, because 90% of the global human collective doesn't like raping our planet, killing each other, or a few rich dudes stealing all the cash. can you imagine if 90% of the global population got up tomorrow and took action to catalyze some serious change? ...my brain blows a fuse just thinking about it.

so... that's it. this is me feeling fresh, with a new understanding and a re-invigorated self to boot. because i'm a poet, some poetry to cap it off, off the cuff, composed right now:

Jump in, 

shout, sweat 

and thrash about

in your tears, 

in your glory - 

all your years

will tell a tale

of nothing less than love,

learned dear.

The price?

Nothing less than your life.

The gift?

(laughs)

I'd tell you, 

but your mind's too small

and the answer wouldn't fit.

Make space in your heart,

and let the silence held 

in essence felt

mark your sacred start.

Waking Up

Finally been waking up from this ridiculous dream I've been having... are you waking up too?

http://youtu.be/Xbp6umQT58A