firstly, it's important to understand the true nature of reality. do i have a PHD in the true nature of reality? no. do i claim to know what's REALLY going on? well... no, because such a statement would be ludicrous.
existence, or consciousness in other words, when experienced through the filter of linear time, comes to know itself ever more fully in ascending spirals of understanding - hence the title of this blog. imagine a spiral staircase in an infinitely tall tower, with windows every 12 steps: every 12 steps we stop and gaze out at 'reality,' but our view is not the same as last time - we have climbed higher. we're looking out at the same 'truth,' but it doesn't look the same as last time. why? BECAUSE OUR PERSPECTIVE HAS CHANGED. that's all that EVER changes.
so, do i know what's REALLY going on? yes. and no. i know what's true from my current vantage point at this moment of my journey, which of course is not the same as what will be true 10 years from now, when i've climbed up a few more steps and have a different perspective.
so, getting back to the 'true' nature of reality: we are one. blah blah blah, yakkety yak, you've heard this before. DUH, because it's FUCKING TRUE. and not in some 'sit-around-the-fire-and-sing-kumbaya-and-pretend-we-like-each-other' kind of way, it's true in an incredibly more profound and literal way. there is only ONE THING, expressing itself a bajillion different ways. you, me, this computer, jesus, buddha, krishna, humpback whales tine cockroaches massive cockroaches the pope the president and the prime minister... all the same one thing.
i know... seems impossible, right? all you have to do is look at the world to see: "um, no ryan... there's a whole bunch of shit. and it's definitely NOT the same thing."
see, here's the jaw-droppingly stunning thing about this ONE thing of which EVERYthing is comprised: it encompasses an infinite amount of possibilities and expressions.
which, of course, leads us to the question: well then what IS it? for the sake of simplicity, let's call it 'SOURCE.' if source can be anything, if source can express itself in an infinite number of ways... then is source even anything? if source has no characteristics, no definition, then how is source even a 'something?'
great question! and here, it gets tricky, fast. because YES, it does have certain characteristics, however WHAT IT IS IS NOT KNOWABLE FROM AN ORIENTATION OF SEPARATION.
right, i know, i'm lost too. let's try to clear it up. we think we're separate, we think we're 'us.' i think i'm ryan (although i'm starting to get the hang of seeing through the illusion of 'ryan') you think you're 'you,' and everyone else thinks they're 'them.' so we read this blog with that fundamental core belief system strongly in place, and FROM THAT ORIENTATION OF SEPARATION THERES NO WAY TO UNDERSTAND WHAT SOURCE IS.
in fact, to get snitty about it, there's no way AT ALL to 'understand' what source 'is.' let's look at what the word 'understand' implies: if i understand math, if means i'm observing it from OUTSIDE of it, examining it, and eventually coming to some conclusions about it. source, however, doesn't play like that. you don't get to hang out outside of it and think you 'understand' it... the ONLY way to get a taste is to surrender all your ideas of being 'you' and let yourself be dissolved in the truth of the one thing. this, essentially, is what buddha, yeshwa, krishna, and all those most excellent dudes and dudettes (for the sake of simplicity i will henceforth refer to all ascended masters as A.T.M.E.D.A.D.) were on about. LET GO.
so, to come back into linear time and material reality for a moment: you don't 'understand' source. you ARE source. and so am i, and so is everyone and everything else.
next question: so then, if we all surrender ourselves and become what we already are... won't everything in the world just be the same thing? won't that be boring?
NO! and that's the really neat part. remember, source is expressing itself in a bajillion different ways. each of those unique expressions is going to totally different from all the other ones, because source is just a badass like that. each of those unique expressions is going to be different from every other WHETHER OR NOT IT SURRENDERS TO IT'S TRUE NATURE.
ok, hang on...
basically, it's like this: i'm going to be totally unique and different from everyone else if i cling to the false illusion of 'ryan' as something real, AND i'm STILL going to be totally unique and different from everyone else if i see THROUGH the illusion of 'me' and allow my 'self' to be dissolved into all-that-is. (source.)
still with me? good.
pressing on from how this works, let's take a look at 'why.' understanding why this is going on at all will allow us to see why, in truth, there is no such thing as good or bad.
so: why split it all up? simple answer: BECAUSE SOURCE WANTED TO EXPERIENCE ITSELF.
why are two naked bodies so much more fun than one? duh, 'cuz you get to COME TOGETHER. assuming you're doing it right, of course. ;-)
basically, source wanted to get off on itself. it couldn't do that when it was just one thing, it split itself into a bajillion things for the sake of experiencing itself in every imaginable way, shape, and form.
still with me? good.
WE ARE THAT SPLITTING. we're those bits of vibration (source is vibration... meaning EVERYTHING is vibration, meaning, basically, vibration is the only thing there is... meaning music is fucking awesome) here on earth, vibrating a super-low hertz in order to partake in a pretty wild part of the 'source-wants-to-get-off-on-itself' game: we are SOURCE EXPERIENCING ITSELF IN PHYSICALITY.
what, that doesn't sound uber-radical to you? trust me, it is. in order for this world (and us) to exist in the dense, thick, heavy way it does, the vibrations of all those little source-bits (you and me) had to slow wwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy the fuck down. from what i understand, most of the rest of creation (the infinitely varied expressions of the one and only thing) exists in either a quasi-physical or purely energetic state. we're about as dense as it gets folks, so let's pat ourselves on the back for enrolling in the school of hard knocks.
yup, that's right: the 'knocks' we experience here in full physicality feel HARD. when the going get's rough, it's pretty easy to feel lost. pain feels real, and of course who wants pain? so pain becomes bad, pleasure becomes good, and this whole game of 'source-getting-off-on-itself' turns into the much less fun game of 'run-away-from-the-bad-stuff-and-hold-on-as-hard-as-you-can-to-the-good-stuff.'
SO. now we're moving into the really juicy bit: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS GOOD AND BAD.
remember, WE'RE ALL THE SAME THING. we're all source, split into a bajillion pieces for the sake of experiencing itself. AND WE'RE ALL CHOOSING TO EXPERIENCE SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
you, before you were born, when you were still a little piece of source that could REMEMBER it was source, CHOSE to have this life. you CHOSE the conditions, the circumstances.
wait, so it's all predetermined? like fate?
no, definitely not! just the container, or the 'frame.' i don't know the details, but the basic idea is that we chose our bodies, our families, the era, the location, the culture... all the meta-level situations WITHIN WHICH a piece if differentiated source consciousness (us) has free will to do whatever they want.
so all those monsanto CEO's, conniving bankers, and corrupt politicians? source experiencing itself. all those murderers, rapists, and pedophiles SOURCE EXPERIENCING ITSELF. all those saints, good samiritans, and A.T.M.E.D.A.D.? SOURCE EXPERIENCING ITSELF.
breath... ok, right back into it:
NONE OF IT IS 'GOOD' OR 'BAD.' it just is. it's all source knowing itself.
but... GMO's give us cancer! and pedophilia feels bad! (i know this one first-hand.)
true! some stuff feels gnarly. in the case of 'me,' (whatever that means) i chose a life with some seriously fucked up experiences at the beginning of it. psycho-sexual abuse early in my life SERIOUSLY spun me around, and left me not knowing which way was up for a long time. and yes, IT FELT TOTALLY, UTTERLY WRONG.
nothing about it felt right. it felt like the OPPOSITE of good. IT FELT BAD.
so... ... ... doesn't that mean, that, there is good and bad... ...?
(sigh...) i know. it all seems a bit fucked, sometimes. but in truth: no. there's STILL no such thing as good and bad. I CHOSE THOSE EXPERIENCES. from the perspective of a scared little kid in grandpa's basement, it was happening TO me and i was damn sure NOT responsible. however, from the perspective of the 'real' me, the 'me-as-source?' I'M FULLY RESPONSIBLE.
"what the fuck ryan! you're saying that every kid with FUCKED UP shit happening to them is to blame, and we should just shrug and say: well, guess that's what they chose?!? that's bullshit."
i hear you! let me do my best to reply: first of all, there's no blame. WE'RE ALL SOURCE. the way source experiences itself, primarily, is through emotion. SO WHATEVER YOU FEEL, LET YOURSELF FEEL IT. that was the ONLY way I was able to heal from the experiences in my own past: to LET MYSELF FEEL all the pain, the rage, the shame, the grief, EVERYTHING. no counselling, no therapist ever really helped. i didn't need to sit on a fucking couch and talk about, i needed to bawl my eyes out. i needed to scream, i needed to punch someone, i needed to hate myself and cut myself, i needed to drink until i puked and passed out, i needed to not give a fuck and i needed to care way, way too much. and i did. i did all of those things, repeatedly, until i didn't need to do them anymore.
and are you ready for the punchline: this is the kicker, this is where shit get's really interesting and we begin to see why all of this is worth understanding in the first place. here goes:
AS LONG AS YOU INSIST ON A RIGHT AND A WRONG, A GOOD AND A BAD, YOU WILL NEVER ALLOW YOURSELF TO FULLY EXPERIENCE WHAT IT IS YOU ARE HERE (as source) TO EXPERIENCE.
we're all here to have certain experiences, so that
a) source can come to know itself
and b) WE, AS LITTLE BITS OF SOURCE, CAN EVOLVE IN OUR OWN DIFFERENTIATED UNDERSTANDING.
remember the staircase analogy, and the ascending spirals of understanding? THAT'S WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT. as long as we label something bad, we won't let it be. we won't voice it or express it, we will censor ourselves. THEREFORE, WE WON'T LEARN WHAT WE CAME HERE TO LEARN, AND WE'LL HAVE TO KEEP HAVING THE SAME LESSON OVER AND OVER AGAIN UNTIL WE GET IT.
AND THAT'S BORING.
the real fun starts once you allow EVERYTHING. when you can simply look at yourself without calling any of it good or bad, THEN YOU'RE FREE.
at that point, it's all about PREFERENCE.
here's kicker number 2, and it's even bigger than the first one. ready, set, go!
ANY CHOICE, ANY ACTION ARISING FROM THE PRISON OF: "i must choose this because it's good." OR: "i can't choose this because it's bad." IS A CHOICE ARISING FROM A PLACE OF POWERLESSNESS.
our ideas about right and wrong are possibly the heaviest shackles we wear. remember: consciousness (source) is the point of origin for everything. the QUALITY of consciousness at the moment of making the 'right' choice or avoiding the 'wrong' is one of imprisonment: either i "have to" do this or i "must not" do that.
EITHER WAY, I"M FULLY BUYING INTO THE FALSE ILLUSION OF ME. either way, i'm letting myself believe in the idea of 'ryan' as opposed to SURRENDERING to the all-that-is.
kicker number 3:
WE CANNOT LABEL ANYTHING OUTSIDE OF US GOOD OR BAD WITHOUT LIKEWISE LABELING EVERYTHING INSIDE OF US GOOD OR BAD. there's just no way around this: either we dive in and get wet, or we stay on the shore and stay dry. we can't have it both ways. we will NEVER free ourselves to experience everything we're here to experience as long as we cling to our beliefs about right and wrong. BAM.
HOWEVER: once we have set ourselves (and everyone else in our lives) free, at that point WE BECOME EMPOWERED. knowing ourselves to be a differentiated bit of source embodied here in physicality in order to experience itself, we THEN become FREE TO HONOR OUR UNIQUENESS by HONORING OUR PREFERENCES.
DO NOT MISS THIS DISTINCTION!
P-R-E-F-E-R-E-N-C-E-S... NOT OBLIGATIONS.
no right and wrong. NOTHING is better than anything else. NOBODY, no choice is better than ANYBODY else, or any other choice.
from that empowered orientation, we become free to ask ourselves: "what do we prefer?"
whatever it is, go for it! at this point, it's worth revisiting that earlier idea of the 'characteristics' of source. this will help us answer the question:
"but ryan, what if my preference is to go out and shit on people? you're saying i'm free to shit on people??"
1. if you try to shit on me my preference is to punch you in the face
and 2. THIS IS THE AWESOME THING ABOUT LETTING YOURSELF BE DISSOLVED IN SOURCE.
source is SOURCE. it's all there is! it is everything, complete unto itself, perfectly whole. whoever gets to that point in their understanding will have evolved beyond ALL of the egoic power-plays that motivate us to hurt each other - what would be the point? source doesn't NEED anything, and it certainly doesn't have to TAKE anything from anyone else. it simply is, and has different preferences depending on the unique nature of it's expression (you) this time around.
all of that 'manipulating-other-people-to-get-what-i-want' stuff will have ALREADY BEEN EXPERIENCED by the ANY individual who REACHES THE PLACE OF ABSOLUTE FREEDOM.
so there's the 'safety' on this whole design: anyone who is TRULY free will likewise have evolved beyond any need or desire to mess with anyone else.
(sidenote: from this place of understanding, we can see that those in positions of power enacting so many of the money-grubbing power-grabbing tactics are, in fact, the LEAST free of all of us... regardless of how big their bank account is.)
so back to this idea of PREFERENCE: choosing from this place of understanding is a pretty fucking empowered way to make a choice, and it offers us the opportunity to effect some SERIOUS change.
in other words, speaking as a man who experienced pedeophilia in my own past this time around: IF WE WOULD LIKE ALL CHILDREN, EVERYWHERE, TO BE SAFE, THEN THE MOST EFFECTIVE WAY TO CREATE THAT IS TO SURRENDER OUR ATTACHMENT TO US BEING 'RIGHT' AND THE ABUSER BEING 'WRONG.'
we must work for change because we PREFER to, not because it is the RIGHT THING TO DO.
THERE IS NO RIGHT THING TO DO.
we must work for change WITHOUT vilifying ANYONE else, for the SECOND we condemn another we likewise condemn ourselves, thereby entrapping us once again in the prison of 'right/vs/wrong'... which PREVENTS us from experiencing everything we're here to experience, which means we're going to have to keep repeating our lessons INSTEAD OF SETTING OURSELVES FREE TO DO WHATEVER THE FUCK WE WANT.
personally, i want to bake cookies, dance my ass off, play music, grow veggies, kiss EVERY cute girl i see, (might have to rein that one in a little) and keep on blogging about the true nature of reality.
once again, i'll cap this post off with a poem, and see if i can poetically summarize this massive dose of good news.
ANY answer other than:
"I don't wanna."
and an embarrassment
to all that we are.
for the sake
of it's own delight...
they illumine the night?
Forget about doing 'right.'
Do you instead,
and I guarantee
will turn out to be
the most authentic generosity
humanity has ever seen.